overcome with sorrow

This time in Colorado has been great, but I have known that I am so on the edge of something big in this journey. part of me is excited as I know God is with me and His love is constant and unchanging. However, another part of me has been running a bit scared for what lies ahead. But I am desperate for what lies at the end of it all.

Who would have thought that the testimony of a Godly man and his son would tip the scales to deep sorrow and flood of tears and uncontrolable sobs, convulsions. I hurt, I ache. I hope, in silence on the floor of my hotel bathroom so as not wake my sleeping husband.

i sensed the breaking as Doug shared the song he wrote for his daughters wedding and the photos of his family. I fought tears and the storm as I ached for the knowing of a truly whole and happy family in union with God. I know the character of this man as he has walked with Rob and I now for several years as we have been walking toward the mission call.

Doug asked me before we parted if I would like to read his fathers testimony and his own personal reflections after he and his mom died. Of course by God's providence, I said yes.

I read the most amazing journey to the heart of God and faith and the heritage of a family that has walked generations with God through pains and joys.

I mourn for a family lost, hurt broken and the one before me I am in risk of hurting even more.

By My wounds you are healed....yes I hear these words Lord. I trust You are with me, I know I need to meet You here in the flood. I come.....

the past three days the words of this song have played in my heart..... As the dear panteth for the water, so my soul longest after you.....in the message this morning Pastor Mark Hanke shared the same words from scripture. My spirit was reminded that I too had met God again like Hagar when I was emptied and screaming out before the Lord a year ago june. I too knew he was the God who sees and knows and yet loves and cares for the child.

My head hurts, my heart hurts..............thank you Lord for your word that comforts, thank you for the joy and hope only you can give. I am yours Lord come what may...Make me what you want me to be.......help me to rest in you......Lord draw near......your child aches.................

Ray, thank you for giving me Jesus through you......I cannot write anymore now, I can hardly move and I need to see if I can pray and sleep....this is awful........but know I am not alone....please pray I will have courage......