As I began to prepare to share with a ladies group at the church I was part of in highschool the Lord laid on my heart a few thoughts I hoped would be an encouragement to them.
Recently, I came across this story by an unknown author that illustrates a truth God has shown me in my journey to full time mission service.
There was a young lad who served in the workshop of a great Italian artist. It was his duty to sweep the floor and straighten the rooms at the end of the day. He did his work faithfully and well, requiring little attention from his master.
One day he approached the great artist timidly, "Please, sir, would it be all right if I saved for myself the bits of broken glass you throw on the floor?"
"Do as you please---they are of no use to me."
Days grew into years. The lad faithfully carried out his tasks. Daily he sifted through the discarded bits of glass. Some he would set aside, others he would throw out.
One day the master entered a little used storeroom and quite by chance came across a carefully hidden piece of work. Bringing it to the light, he was dazzled by the brilliance of a noble work of art. "What is the meaning of this?" he wondered aloud. He called his servant to him.
"What great artist has hidden his masterpiece here?"
"Master," responded the astonished young man, "it is just my poor work. Don't you remember--you said I could have for myself the glass you threw to the floor. These are but the broken pieces.
God can take the broken pieces of our lives and create a masterpiece. We can not avoid or hide from the experiences and sometimes scars of life or the consequences of what we do, but when we humbly submit to Him our lives, He'll use them to complete His ultimate design.
This story illustrates part of my journey in learning to truly let go and let God be the strength and source in my life.
In today society we are taught to be successful and overcome all obstacles to do so. Even as believers we can get caught up striving to do all things well. In doing so we often hide from ourselves and others and we often project a false self, one that is perceived as successful and acceptable. I think sometimes this is a protection mechanism; one that is compensating for things in our lives. Brennan Manning says it like this, “Living out of the false self creates a compulsive desire to present a perfect image to the public so that everybody will admire us and nobody will know us.”Why? Well, for me, came an unconscious pursuit of perfectionism and often times I was seeking approval. Maybe you can relate.
As a busy wife and mom I sometimes lived life at incredible speeds. Busy with work, ministry and family. Not slowing down at times to “be still”. I was taking on anything that came my way, striving to do all things well. I unconsciously was seeking acceptance through hard work and achievement. All the while privately amazed at how well I was doing in life despite my background. When in truth I had stuffed many of the broken pieces safely away and lived life compensating for things in my childhood.
Not realizing I was not living life as abundantly as God had intended. Thankfully God does not leave us in darkness. He through the years began to heal some of the hurts in my life but the real discovery and healing came when we finally walked forward in faith to answer His call on our lives for mission service. We can be assured what our God calls us to He will be faithful to prepare us to do.
The call for missions and ministry came early in my walk with the Lord. As a matter of fact, my youth years here this church were a part of that calling as our youth were taught to serve in the community and on short term mission trips. However we took years to answer the call to full time service. I think I was waiting for God to make us/me more ready or more perfect before we could go into full time service. I was not sure my broken life was worthy enough to serve Him; that this kid from “disfunction junction” really had something to give. I do not think I ever felt safe with myself unless I was performing flawlessly. Unknowingly I projected my feelings about myself on God. What I did not realize completely is that God does not want my perfection pursued in my strength. He wants my heart; not afraid to show weakness or be emptied as a vessel for his use.
Life has left many scars. Like many, I came from a broken home and am a product of a home filled with alcoholism. I learned to be strong and guard my heart in order to survive and endure. This strength carried with me for years to come; even after I became a Christian. I do not think I knew just how much I had tucked away and compensated for with my pursuit of success and acceptance until I humbly came before the Lord and He met me. God had years of walls around my heart to break down and when I was finally completely broken, He embraced me and showed me the heart wounds I refused to see, and replaced them with His love and unconditional acceptance. He rewrote my understanding of His love for me. I finally am learning to let go and let God be the strength. We are weak, many of us are but broken pieces and god can make beautiful the broken if we humbly seek Him. Author, Brennan Manning puts it this way “the grace to let go and let God be God flows from trust in His boundless love.”
God is indeed in the business of healing broken lives.
Rob and I had the privilege of leading a short term team to Indonesia in 2005 and there we spent time doing relief work. We traveled to a small fishing village that was completely devastated by the tsunami. As we traveled the temporary road bulldozed together with the rubble of devastation, I again was struck by the visual image of the bits and pieces of the lives of the Acehnese that were poking out of the rubble. As I personally walked the shoreline of the once affluent fishing village, I found tons of broken pieces of ceramic and glass that I was compelled to pick up and keep as a symbol of the lives I know the Lord can piece back together.
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