True self is the inner child

Uncanny…but beautiful the marriage between the journey of the heart and the nuggets of truth God gives us in our day to day lives. Often—at just the right moment. The surprises of a conversation with a wise friend, the word of truth read at just the right moment, the breath of hope in a cool breeze on a fall day! It is good to be alive and living the joys and the challenges of life. Come what may, my prayer is that I will have the courage to embrace it all, to His glory.

Okay so what brings this on…after a good conversation I went home to get busy on the necessities of the day and opened my devotional, a trusty friend—if it is possible to classify a book as such. Not probably the best confession I could make, admitting my relationships with books instead of people. However, back to the point, Brennan Manning, once again on the entry for the day, The Inner Child (Reflections for Ragamuffins) writes this:

If the Pharisee is the religious face of the imposter, the inner child is the religious face of the true self. The child represents my authentic self and the Pharisee the inauthentic. Here we find as winsome wedding of depth psychology and spirituality. Psychoanalysis aims to expose clients' neurosis, to move them away from their falseness, lack of authenticity, and pseudosophistication, toward a childlike openness to reality, toward what Jesus enjoins us to be: "unless you become like little children."

The inner child is aware of his feelings and uninhibited in their expression: the Pharisee edits feelings and makes a stereotyped response to life situations. On Jacqueline Kennedy's first visit to the Vatican, Pope John XXIII asked his secretary of state, Giuseppi Cardinal Montini, what was the proper way to greet the visiting dignitary, wife of the U.S. president. Montini replied, "It would be proper to say 'Madame' or 'Mrs. Kennedy.'" The secretary left, and a few minutes later the First Lady stood in the doorway. The Pope's eyes lit up. He trundled over, threw his arms around her, and cried, "Jacqueline!"

For he who was a slave when he was called by the Lord is

the Lord's freedman; similarly, he who was a free man

when he was called is Christ's slave. I Corinthians 7:22

How timely….as I was reading my mom's journal last night the inner child surfaced and the Pharisee stood up as if to take her regular place. It is this inner child who wants her rightful place—the true self who wants to live in raw honesty with herself, God and others.

This is not a new theme….but one that bears repeating as we enter into uncharted waters of the past. Because the battle rages on between "radical trust" and control in living life—in being present in the truth of who I am. It is in the gift of those moments that God opens wide an invitation to be the child and see and feel what my traumatic childhood stole from me once leaving me hollow and hiding in the shadows of life. Taking the reality of the pain and loss for what it is and not placating the Pharisee within—the desire to "feel safe", but wrapping the heart and mind around the truth, the damage and the impact it has had on the child who still resides within.

We want so much to be authenticated in who we are and we often seek that approval or the measure of what is acceptable in the eyes of men. Yet it is God's measure that is true and He tells us we are to be like little children. We find the authentic self within the heart of the child. As we move into adulthood it is a rare gift to keep the eyes and heart of a child. Life leaves its mark and we not only grow up but grow old in heart. Children possess the capacity to embrace the wonder of life, to feel unapologetically and to love unabashedly. Imagine …the beauty of finding and living out of our inner child. I am being given open invitations to meet the child within.

Tears well, as I attempt to grasp the enormity of the gift I have been given. Truly I am blessed……may I honor the gift and stay the course of discovery.