MY BELOVEDNESS (June 6) an excerpt from Reflections for Ragamuffins by Brennan Manning
"Who am I?" asked the Trappist monk Thomas Merton, and responded, "I am one loved by Christ." Herein lays the foundation of the true self. The indispensible condition for developing and maintaining the awareness of our belovedness is time alone with God. In solitude we tune out the nay-saying whispers of our worthlessness and sink down into the mystery of our true self. Our longing to know who we really are—which is the source of most of our discontent—will never be satisfied until we confront and accept silent solitary moments with the Lord. There we discover that the truth of our belovedness is really true. Our primary identity rests in God's relentless tenderness for us revealed in Jesus Christ.
I lift up my eyes to you, to you whose throne is in heaven. Psalm 123:1
We were asked to take the following scripture and ponder, meditate on it and see what the Lord impressed on our hearts. We were given a worksheet to guide us in an exercise in getting alone and silent with God.
Passage Matthew 11:28-30:
28 -30"Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you'll recover your life. I'll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won't lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you'll learn to live freely and lightly."
This was a cool exercise and I found a beautiful place to perch myself between two rocks and get with God. I read and re-read the scriptures, then asked God to show me what HE wanted me to see and then got still before the Lord to listen. This was pretty incredible. Loving the outdoors made it pretty easy for me to get swept away enjoying His creation in its entire splendor. Colorado is amazing. I loved meditating in silence, knowing that whether or not I heard from God or not he was completely there with me, enjoying some long awaited time alone.
The ideas impressed on my heart were "Come, recover your life and learn the unforced rhythms of grace." Our time here at MTI has been powerful and revealing. I have heard in a number of contexts I need to learn grace. In speaking with the director Steve Sweatman in a passing conversation, I referred to myself with a complete lack of grace. As I recall it had to do with my kids and my parenting skills. Praise God he spoke truth back to me challenging me to the necessity of accepting His grace for myself. He said something about giving myself a break and allowing grace its place in my discovery. It is true I can slip to self abasing in the sometimes overwhelming reality of the mess. What a blessing the community He gives is in creating balance in the quest for truth.
In the silence and solitude, this truth about learning His grace resonated loud. He brought me back to the image of the Acehnese fishing village. Here God spoke directly to my heart about the beautiful work He does and will do in the midst of complete brokenness. As I walked around in the Tsunami ruins of the fishing village I began to notice the bits of broken glass and ceramic. I collected up the pieces with a vision of taking these pieces and creating a piece of pottery as a testimony of God's redemptive power in broken lives.
As I sat with God I confessed the truth of my fear that I could go to Indonesia and my broken life could be a detriment and not a blessing and He gave me the remembrance of our time in Aceh.
In walking back to class after our hour of silence, I was thinking through the quietness of the rain and looked down and fond a broken piece of ceramic. It is crimson red with sharp edges of brokenness; a reminder of my brokenness, God's redemptive power and grace; and my need to come and learn His unforced rhythms of grace for me and for others. All I need is to come and be, and He will teach me the rhythms of His grace. Beautiful…..
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