Where does the outcast weep? 

These are reflections inspired by the writing of my favorite author Brennan Manning. The beginning comments are written by my friend who gave me permission to post here. She writes: Where does the outcast weep?  Could it be in a darkened room, hidden away in the heavy shadows?  Or is the outcast weeping on the corner of a busy street where all can see, met with cold dark stares? Oh… the out cast…. I’ve seen her in those places, and though she blends in with the world’s mass of faces…. She can not hide much longer.  Where she hides and where she runs, wherever she goes she is not alone. For this outcast’s tears splash upon the foot of the cross. There hung the man who knew sorrows. His tears, mingled with His own blood, fell upon her head.  He has quickened His pace as she runs faster and faster. Even though she may not know it, every tear is accounted for.  

Where does the outcast weep now?  In the arms of the risen Lord… the King of Kings and Prince of Peace, though she lays as in death, curled up just trying to hold it all together, His tears wash over her, and that heart of stone begins to crack.  Those tears dampen Jesus’ sleeves where she hides, for His arms are around her.  From the depths of the inside, ooze the outcasts blackened, sinful will.  When the last drop of black poison, falls from the heart, she will know whose arms she rests.  She will no longer be blinded by the bitterness and deafened by the enemies lies.  

The outcast…. She no longer weeps alone. The outcast’s tears of freedom are mingled with the Son of God’s.  Outcast no longer, but daughter of the King.  Adopted and given an inheritance in eternity.  Someday, in joy, she’ll find other outcasts and lead them to the Father. 

My thoughts will come in a seperate post. 

Isaiah 61:1-3

beauty for ashes-

 1 The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me, 

   because the LORD has anointed me 

   to proclaim good news to the poor. 

He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, 

   to proclaim freedom for the captives 

   and release from darkness for the prisoners,

2 to proclaim the year of the LORD’s favor 

   and the day of vengeance of our God, 

to comfort all who mourn, 

 3 and provide for those who grieve in Zion~

to bestow on them a crown of beauty 

   instead of ashes, 

the oil of joy 

   instead of mourning, 

and a garment of praise 

   instead of a spirit of despair. 

They will be called oaks of righteousness, 

   a planting of the LORD 

   for the display of his splendor.~Niv

Not Safe, but Good

So many thoughts are crowding my mind these days. The weight of life some days is heavier than others. These thoughts arise in part from the trauma that is all around us here in Indonesia. My heart breaks for the people here. There are so many wounded, lost and displaced people due to the repeated eruptions of one of the world’s most active volcanos, Mt Merapi. This feeling is not a stranger to me and at times returns to remind me of the reason for the hope I have in the One who has walked these roads and experienced all measure of pain and suffering. He knows the weight we carry, the weight I attempt to carry. 

In the last weeks so much has taken place. There have been 3 vehicle accidents, car and motorcycle, in our family alone. Then we have close friends who have had wrecks of their own. All bringing injuries big and small and of course added financial stress and expense. The skies around us are not their usual bright color...we have a haze of gray from our grumbling volcano. The news proclaims that a large eruption is expected today sometime. This news adds to the feeling which looms. There is need for the light that brings truth and joy. More precisely penned by surely one of my favorite authors who so aptly states the things I need to hear in a way that resonates under the skin where God is still at work, “I do believe that the night is always followed by morning. And that is when joy comes.” ~Brennan Manning

These times seem to come in bundles. By that I mean experiences are universal and sometimes occur at what seems to be the same time. Actually I am sure they never stop we only stop taking notice at times. Even today a dear and respected friend shared the journey of the recent past months that he and his family have been on.  Heart wrenching realities. God has also asked me to walk with a friend to discover the painful realities of a long hidden past. Seeking light in the shadows is difficult and long but not without hope. Yet another friend I love and respect told me of a recent diagnosis to explain the tumultuous journey she has been living. Again dark but not without light. Sometimes as I observe those around me in the midst of so much, I fool myself to think somehow I missed the battle this time.

In truth, the battle rages on in some aspect of my life. The ever present battle of submitting to the conforming power of God’s precepts. Not that this is not a heart desire, it truly is, but it seems, at times, I am a fish swimming up stream one storm after another. The river rages on and the ever present stones of my life are tossed against the rocks of the river that rushes on. They are thrown around by consuming currents of life, being cleansed and made more smooth by the water and friction of the other stones in the river of life. This imagery of the river is both uncontainable and yet peaceful in a powerful cleansing sense. As these words are written I am also reminded of the truth that God is not safe, He is not a tame lion, but...God is good as drawn from a scene in C.S. Lewis’s “The Chronicles of Narnia.” As we face and witness the realities of every day life at its highest and lowest points, we are faced with the choice to believe although life with God is not safe, we must trust that He is in fact good. Despite what are human eyes see or our present bodies experience, God remains in control and remains good. 

Not safe, but good. A discussion lead me to share these reminders with a friend. But in truth being the vocal processor I am, I think hearing the words spoken was as much for me as for the friend. Life has brought me to a bend in the road. Where decisions have to be made and God’s intervention sought and yielded to, not nodded at. What does that mean? I too am a work in progress. I have nights and some long nights I pray will quickly bring the joy of morning. Mercifully, God does not always allow the night to pass too quickly. Some of us are slow learners and have to return a few times to the same path to find our way to the next place. I fool myself and blame shift with the best of them. I run from the ugly truth of my existence, actions and choices too. Sadly I fall into old patterns while I struggle to balance all life brings. I have not tended my own garden very faithfully in some months. I have let the importance of cultivating and nurturing primary relationships grow some weeds. My garden needs some pruning and the living beings within given the loving care they require. I have been “getting by” for too long. I need to go where maybe I do not want to and to where it may not be safe but the God who meets me there is ever good. 

My friend protested, “it is too real” and I responded, “ if it is real, it is not too real, it is transparent;  it’s abandon to truth and all its bloody realities.” We need to live in the midst of truth, trusting in the goodness of God who is not safe but who is good! 

New blog with some old posts....

Okay, ya I know........
So much of what is on this blog is old or old news...however it was never an open blog before a day or two ago depending on which part of the world you are in, so it is new to some!   Knowing God uses writing to open the heart of this verbal processor, I promise to post new happenings soon, and maybe even share a part of my journey that will interest or even encourage a fellow sojourner. Thanks for blazing the trail with me...each of you are invited to speak in too! Feel free to explore the posts of old if you want, however there are some pretty honest reflections. God is good and I hope to share a bit of what He continues to teach this heart of mine.

Lasting Impressions

Sept 2009

Pujih Tuhan, haleluya! These words permeated the hearts and rooms at the National women’s retreat this past week. As the newest members of the team here in Indonesia we are excited to begin meeting and building relationships with both nationals and team members. Kalyn and I were so graciously included in this 4 day retreat with 89 women who represent our national churches in 6 areas of Indonesia, including, Kalimantan, Sumatra/Batam, West Java, Central Java, East Java, and Bali/Lombok. Upon arrival we were greeted with friendly smiles and gracious attempts to communicate with us how pleased they were that we were a part of the retreat. Our language skills impeded our ability to understand much of what was going on around us, but we did not miss the heart of the women and the joy of the Lord that each so openly shared. It was my understanding that it had been a long time since the whole association of churches have gathered, but the warmth and love each shared with another would make one think otherwise. These ladies were excited to be there! 

The worship times were powerful and one place language barriers were transcended by unified hearts of worship! We joyously joined these women in worshiping the One who is worthy of all praise! Every aspect of our time together seemed divinely orchestrated and a timely fit for all who were there. The elements of the retreat flowed well and all the activities and sessions were vital. Each speaker, prayer, and activity engaged the ladies with the content and in participation with one another. When the time came for recreation and fun, things were lively. These women know how to have fun! Laughter and energy filled the air as the ladies played together too!

Of course what ladies gathering does not include an opportunity to shop? Local venders had insightfully planted themselves with their goods right where the ladies exited the meeting center. Now this was an opportunity to really get see a group of ladies in their element, as they came to our rescue. A few of our new friends rushed to guide and direct us as we considered purchases. I had a dress in my hands attempting to see if it was going fit to Kalyn when one of the ladies took over measuring her and decided no this was not the batik dress for her. She helped us until we found just the right one and the best price too. They seemed to love to help take care of us. We are new and these ladies all embraced us over the few days of the retreat and we are looking forward to the time we are more active participants with an understanding of language, so we can share more intimately in the lives of these women. Praise the Lord He is a work in the lives and hearts of our  women! It was pure joy to be a part! Blessings, Jodi

Thoughts on Language Learning

Reflections from Jan 2010~

Learning language is like building relationships; in both you need to take it slow and see the details around you and take slow steps learning all you can as you go. We must allow the process of learning to grow step by step. There needs to be room for mistakes and we need to let go of the fear of failing. There is grace in learning. The people here are being patient, and seem to be patient to see yet another learner seek out the culture through study language and culture. 

 This week we studied many examples of how Indonesians relate with one another. Any subject we study we need to remember how strong the cultural foundations are in understanding why people do what they do. The people here are hospitable and kind. Strong and soft spoken eager to help others in the community around them. Somehow I think the strength I see in the Indonesian people must come from the deep relational ties found in community and harmony. So as a newcomer I see them eager to see me learn and an anticipation of the day I truly understand the people and the culture that defines so much of who they are. 

IMLAC Pilates..these guys are great friends too!

I learned I need to be careful as I seek to communicate with Indonesians. I need to have the sense of otherness they have when they interact with others. I need to honor who they are by addressing them with a genuine smile and polite nod and maybe a title or name of honor for the station in life they have earned. I need to see beyond the moment and my desire to communicate and observe what is being communicated to me. 

Settling In

 Javanese woman watching kids play

More reflections on settling in from Dec 2009...

We are settling in. I love being here where God has called us to be. Loving learning the new language. But as many may know, I could be a perpetual student. Love to study something new, especially those things I am passionate about. Of course I wish I was learning faster.

The cultural transitions have been pretty smooth overall. There are a few things that are bothersome, but the wonderful people lesson the bothers. The way people litter is still something that breaks my heart. Very much like what we saw in Africa. The country is so beautiful and could be so much more if the people would learn to care for it more. It is so culturally engrained to just drop garbage on the ground. For example I was traveling to a nearby city with an Indonesian friend for shopping and fun and we road a series of buses and a train to get there. She gave me a mint which was in a wrapper and I opened it and put the wrapper in my purse like I have always done. She was trying to convince me to just throw it on the floor of the train. She kept telling me, “oh budaya Ibu!” (It is culture!) 

My friend calls me Ibu or Bu as that is a term of address for a married woman or older woman. Although she and I are about the same age. She is also married. As we grow closer we may begin to call each other Mbak which is the term for a young woman or very close friends or family. Mas is the term for a young man and Pak or Bapak for older or married man. First names are not used except in conjunction with the formal term Bu Herman, Bu Jodi or Bu Rob- all of these are names I am called here. Often you are Ibu/Bu and your husbands first or last name.  It is not often your own name is used in some places here.

Another thing that is hard for me to see is the teeth are rotting in the mouths of so many here. There is way too much sugar offered to even small babies and their teeth are sacrificed with little or no dental care for people here. It is very sad and I want to teach these moms how to better care for the kids! But that is a hard task! They are doing what they know. 

The pace of life is not like America, this is not bad, an adjustment to us, but good in so many ways. Like we saw in Africa, the culture and people are so family and relationally oriented. Everything is about relationship and being together and available for one another. The very fabric of Indonesian culture is woven through family ties and relationships. An Indonesian proverb (pepatah) says."Whether we eat or don't eat, the important thing is that we relate with each other." Work is set aside if there are immediate needs of family or even neighbors. 

We have workers who come and help us here and many times they sms (text) us and tell us that a neighbor has died and they will not be coming to work today. That is another thing that is hard for me here. Death. Death is so real, more real than I think it has ever been for me. And since our arrival there have been easily 50 plus deaths among our neighbors, workers relationships or friends and family of someone we know who have died; most unexpectedly. It is hard core the reality of death here. It burdens my heart to know that we take life for granted and to know that the people of Indonesia may have so much less time and need to have the gift of eternal life, as life here on earth can end at any time for them. 

The people are a brave and strong people. Life is hard here and the people courageously continue on with joy and strength despite what comes. Culture here insists on it. With that comes very many wounded hearts that are covered over by the veneer of culture, tradition and pure necessity. Covered and wounded hearts is something I understand well. I pray God can used my life to minister to the hearts of the people... 

Well enough for now....